Mindful speech principles

[mac_stone]

I have a number of friends who work very hard to adhere to these guidelines, when choosing whether or not to say something:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

I've been giving this a good deal of thought, of late. It honestly seems to me a pretty good rule of thumb for moving through the world.
I certainly have a temper, I know. So like most humans, I struggle from moment-to-moment with what to say, what to let go, and when to walk away.

ETA Meanwhile, I spent the day doing hoof-trims on a bunch of horses, and I'm staggering tired. So if I'm slow to respond in the comments, please know it's probably just because I fell asleep in my chair. For the record - this is NOT a conversation about race. Attempts to tie this conversation to the GCADofDoom2009 will be summarily deleted.

Comments

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i admit i usually go with the "two out of three ain't bad" approach on that front.

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

I've always gone with the two-outta-three approach, as well. But lately, I'm rethinking that stance. I dunno as two out of three is enough for me, at this point in my life.

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

if you can manage all three my hat's definitely off to you! :)

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't manage it.

But it's always good to challenge ourselves. *sigh*

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i confess i still find two a challenge on quite a regular basis myself.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I hesitate over the third one a lot, as my choice often comes down to "Do I need to be heard more than I need the other person to be comfortable?" A lot of times I don't want the drama that comes from making someone else face an unpleasant truth, but I get tired of being assumed to be a weenie just because I care more for someone else's comfort levels than for my own right to give my opinion on someone.

[voidmonster.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That's the one I grapple with too.

I try very hard to not pretend that I am anyone else's growth and learning. It's their job, not mine, and more often than not the reward for pointing out what's uncomfortable is a sound thrashing. Especially when you're right. So I tend to just hold my tongue a lot.

Which leads to running my mouth because it all gets bottled up with coke and mentos.

[zanzjan.livejournal.com]

Although I do generally try to adhere to guidelines like that, I'm afraid I also have to add:

Is it funny?

[bmlg.livejournal.com]

I sometimes go by "Will it be heard?"

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

That's actually a really good question to ask ourselves, too. Thank you.

[a-d-medievalist.livejournal.com]

Another one is, "do I have to be the person to say this?" I've go a reputation at work for being the person who will ask the hard questions -- or the ones that end up looking like targets tacked on my back. So people just wait for me to do so. People appreciate it, and thank me. But I've got to the point where I wait to see if anyone else will go there. And I don't need to reiterate, do I?

[keilexandra]

I think I will try to adopt those principles from now on.

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

I really, really wish I was better at it. But it's something I plan to work towards, for sure.

[rhinemouse.livejournal.com]

I would tend to believe in (not necessarily live by!) those guidelines too, though I think the word "kind" is unfortunately vague--since it can be interpreted into either "I can't hurt their feelings, who cares about the truth?" or "It's always a kindness to give people the truth of my pure, unvarnished opinion!"

The questions I've been trying to ask myself the last few years are "What am I trying to accomplish by saying this?" and "Do I really want to do that?" (Funny how often the answer to the second one turns out to be "No, not really...")

[julia-reynolds.livejournal.com]

So, like a horse manicure? How do you do that, do you have to put the horse's foot in some kind of restraint? That seems like a procedure that a horse might try to discourage.

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Like this:
http://www.edinphoto.org.uk/0_my_p_edwk_d/0_my_photographs_edinburgh_at_work_-_farrier_or19_large.jpg

[julia-reynolds.livejournal.com]

THAT is a heck of a tough way to make a living! I hope there's no biting....

[medievalist.livejournal.com]

Err . . . well, yes, sometimes there is biting. Mostly if the horse is not likely to be calm, you get someone to hold said critter. You'll note that the horse in the picture wants very much to see what's going on "Hey! That's my foot! What're you doin' with my foot, hunh??"

Some are so very polite that they will hold their foot out for you. Then there are the ones who decide you're a fence post and they'll just sorta lean on you . .

See why I think writing fiction would be a much better occupation?

[fannyanns.livejournal.com]

my therapist introduced me to those guidelines a while ago... I like them quite a bit.

(I have a tendency to joke around sometimes, but when I'm serious, I try to think of those three questions before I say something...)

(found you from coffeeandink)