You've never done this to me, Julia, so put those worries down, okay?

The thing I was most worried about, in letting myself vent? I worried about hurting friends who absolutely don't do this, who do self-identify as queer or bi, and do work hard to understand their own privilege inside their het relationships. The people I know in that situation work damned hard, and have a whole bunch of stuff of their own around appropriation, privilege, and boundaries -- and I know a bunch of very wonderful people who fit that description.