Informal homage to Bear

matociquala's cat/monkey posts have forever altered my interaction with cats.  Now there's this running dialog in my head whenever I'm around a cat - my own, or others.  I'm housesitting for a good friend with two cats this week (some odd, rare breed that looks like tiny cheetah hybrids) so I've spent several days alone with the two cats, and it's only intensified the cat/monkey internal dialog effect.

The first evening was quiet.  Both cats stalked around, glaring.  Otherwise, they pretended I wasn't there.  Eventually, I went to bed, figuring the two cats would work it out for themselves.  Sometime later -

Cat 1:  (patting my face in the dark, in the middle of the night) Monkey?  Monkey?  Who the fuck are you, and why are you in this bed? 
Cat 2: Monkey, move over.  We're cold and you're hogging the comforter.
Monkey: Huh?  Whazzit?  Get off my face, cat . . . izza house on fire? Wha?
Cat 1:  Our monkey isn't going to like this one bit, and neither do we.  Why are you in this bed?  Get up.  You aren't our monkey.
Cat 2: We're hungry.  Feed us.  Feed us right now. 
Monkey:  I fed you!  You were hiding, and wouldn't eat.  Your food is still right there in the kitchen in your little matching china cat dishes.
Cat 2: That's old food.  We can't eat that.  Feed us new food.
Cat 1: Let's kill and eat the strange monkey.
Monkey:  Hey!  Stop biting me!  What the hell is wrong with you?  That hurt!
Cat 2:  I'm cold.  I shall snuggle with you.  Stop yelling and be still. (purrs so hard he drools)
Cat 1: (more face pats)  You look funny.  You aren't our monkey.  You shouldn't be sleeping.  It's Very Wrong.
Cat 2: Rub my belly.

My friend gets home tomorrow night.  Then I can go home and have another conversation with my own cat, who will be in a terrible snit and pretend she doesn't know me for several hours.  Until she gets cold.